Runnin' With The Devil
by babyhilts
Summary: “Don’t worry anymore Dean. I killed it. I saved you. You don’t have to protect me anymore” Alex smiled. “You watch Sammy, he’s just a baby. I’ll watch you Dean. When dad is gone I’ll watch the both of us. You don’t have to worry Dean. It’s okay now.”
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** It's been a while since I posted on fanfic but I think I remember how this all works. I'll do my best to update this story as much as possible, as long as I know people are enjoying it! Oh and when you see these symbols that'll be a dream sequence. Okay, please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes and if there are any problems blame it on my computer :D Reviews are appreciated as always and I love constructive criticism, but nothing nasty! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the Winchester men, or the title of this story-it's a Van Halen song-. I do own Alex and the story itself, so, hurray!

**Summary:** This story takes place on the night that our boys face off with Meg in Chicago, during the episode Shadows. They've just left their dad, and are nursing some pretty big owies, while looking for a hotel to stay at. The rest of the story will go on from there, not really following the rest of the season but it will more than likely include the episodes Dead Man's Blood and those that follow. Whew that was a mouthful. Alex, who is the added brother is a year younger than Dean and you'll find out what he's like but I picture him looking a bit like Josh Hartnett when he has the longer hair. Corny, I know, but only because it seems to remind me of Sam and they are brothers after all. For a pic of what he looks like check out my profile and click on the link! Anyway, hope that explains things. Enjoy! Any questions just hit the review button and I'll be happy to answer them!

**Chapter 1:**

_I live my life like there's no tomorrow_

_And all I've got I had to steal_

_Least I don't need to beg or borrow_

_Yes I'm living at a pace that kills_

_Runnin' with the devil_

_Runnin' with the devil_

_I found the simple life ain't so simple_

_When I jumped out on the road _

_I got no love, no love you'd call real_

_Ain't got nobody waiting at home_

----**Van Halen**

Alex curled further into the impala's rough upholstery. Small lines of sweat ran down the length of his face while he moved fitfully in his sleep. A few moans were dropped every now and then, but otherwise he remained silent. He'd been going through these same movements for the past five minutes. Long, muscular legs kicking out, just inches below the glove compartment and then he would curl them back into his body.

Dean watched amused from the driver's side. Glancing at the rearview mirror, he saw the sleeping reflection of his youngest brother, hiding behind the shag of brown locks. They'd been driving for hours now, or at least he had been. Sam had fallen asleep almost as soon as they'd stepped out of Chicago. His nightmares had lessened some, but still, any sleep for the youngest Winchester, was welcomed in Dean's book. As for Alex, well, he'd tried to stay awake; stirring in the seat like a restless five year old on his first road trip. That was how it always was with his brother though. You couldn't get him to sit still. He craved the adventure of the open road and the thrill of the supernatural, but he couldn't stand the waiting or sitting still part. Eventually after a few hours his head too, had lulled to the side and now Dean was alone, listening only to the light breathing of his brothers while they dreamt.

Up in the distance the all too familiar glow of a neon motel sign appeared. Dean pulled the Chevy off the main highway and onto a private dirt road. Dust clouded around the lean black steel, dirtying the tire rimes and smooth body of the impala. He cringed involuntarily at the thought of the beauty being violated in that way.

The car hit a slight dip in the road, jerking the car forward and then rocking back towards the left as the tires regained their equilibrium on even road again. Alex's head rolled about on his shoulders from the sudden movement. Dean heard the slight cracking of his younger brothers left shoulder while he tried to massage his stiff muscles. Caked blood rested just below the beginning of the boy's hairline and nearly covered his entire left ear. He had a cut lip and a few scrapes here and there, but a bit of a patch up later and he'd be fine.

"Did you dislocate that shoulder again?" Dean almost scolded. Alex grinned through the sleep and moved his body once more for verification.

"Nawe, just really sore. Think they'll have any special spa treatments at this next motel?"

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Your not turning fairy on me, are you?"

"No!" Alex exclaimed then immediately, calmed himself. "No, I just haven't had a nice massage in a while. You know. Body oil, tanned blondes, naked me. It's usually a good combo."

The older Winchester smirked. The impala pulled to a stop in front of a dingy motel room. There were only two other cars besides the Chevy and the area Dean had picked was completely isolated from the real world. They'd left the highway ten minutes ago and there were no houses or any sign of anyone, anywhere. It was the perfect place for the Winchesters to recuperate for a few days. Especially after meeting Meg and watching her swan dive off seven stories and then having to say goodbye to their dad once again, it was enough to send the boys into overdrive. Dean knew Sam was probably worn down from it all, he wasn't sure about himself right then, he was more worried about Sammy. He had seemed so broken up about watching their dad go, like he'd been betrayed or something. It was those damn eyes. Always so emotional, he wasn't afraid to show anything. Alex was a different matter. He'd been all talk up until he'd clunked out a while ago. Dean assumed he was trying to ignore what had happened. Joking around, the wisecracks always fixed everything and hid what he didn't want to be seen. He was much like Dean in that sense, except he didn't know when to actually let his emotions out, ever.

Dean looked out the windshield and then over at Alex.

"I don't think they have any blondes here for you."

Alex looked hurt. "I'm realizing this now."

Alex threw open the door without much respect to the 67 classic and let it shut with a thud that rattled the cars metal body. Dean's stomach churned and he hastily got out of the drivers side. Alex grinned looking over the roof of the car, assessing the disapproving look on his older brother's face and shook it off as nothing.

"You don't treat my car like that again. I mean it she's sensitive."

"We'll I'll remember to apologize to her later."

Alex looked into the back window and saw Sam curled up against the door. He looked tired and hurt and so innocent that it hurt him to have to wake the youngest Winchester. It was the first time in a little while that Alex could remember his baby brother not waking up screaming from another nightmare.

Slowly, he eased the door open. He caught Sam as his body unraveled out of the seat and fell towards the asphalt. His eyes immediately shot open, wide and a bit frightened, but that was what they were accustomed to when something took him by surprise. They relaxed when he took in Alex holding half of his body off the gravel floor, while the rest dangled out of the Impala.

"Are you falling for me Sammy?"

Sam pulled himself gently out of his brother's strong arms and slid out of the car, grumbling about the nickname and being tired. Alex walked around to the trunk and hauled out two duffle bags. Dean was taking care of another bag with a few weapons in it and his own duffel with clothes. Once again Alex's shoulder cracked under the movement of the bag as he slung it over his back. Sam shut the door and looked up at him a bit worried.

"You hurt it again?"

"If I did would I be carrying your heavy ass bag." Alex griped playfully.

Together the two followed Dean to the front desk and towards their room. Alex shifted Sam's bag awkwardly in his grip.

"Jeez, what do you have in here anyway Sammy. I mean you sure aren't a light packer. God, you're like a woman. Everything but the kitchen sink huh?" Alex took a whiff of the scuffed material. "I think your perfume is leaking."

Sam rolled his eyes and picked up the pace so he could walk up alongside Dean. Hanging back a few feet, struggling with the weight slightly, Alex tried not to think about his shoulder. He hadn't dislocated it, but ever since that hunting trip back when he was seventeen and a poltergeist had caught him off guard, his shoulder had never really healed. Every now and then, it would throb or if something like a daeva for example had thrown him into a shelving unit, then maybe it wouldn't feel too shit hot afterwards. He could deal though. Dean had enough on his mind with Sammy and he didn't need to worry about some shoulder.

"Dean, I don't think we should have let dad go like that. It's dangerous out there for him, for all of us. Were stronger as a family."

Alex cringed at the desperation in Sam's voice.

"Sam, you saw what happened back there. He almost died! Meg's right, he lets his guard down. We can't put dad in that kind of danger again. I won't let it happen."

"And what about the demon?

"He'll call us when it's time…"

"What if he doesn't? What if something happens to him before that?" Sam's eyes were swollen with the rise of tears and Dean looked like he was barely keeping himself together. The truth in what he was saying was tearing him apart, but he didn't want to face the facts.

"What if" Sam continued, "what if the demon comes for him? Before dad is even ready? Can you live with that? Having sent him away. It will be our fault. It's like we abandoned him."

"Sam!"

Both Winchesters turned to look at Alex. His head ached and he felt himself losing it over what his brothers had to say. Sam seemed sotorn. He wanted to comfort him, to tell him things would work out but honestly he wasn't quite too sure about that anymore.

"Dean was right. It would have been dangerous for dad. And don't say that we abandoned him. You know we didn't. When things are ready he'll call us and we'll kill that bastard together but until then we've all got to relax. We can't start thinking about all the 'what if's'. There are so many, it wouldn't do us any good."

Sam nodded but didn't bother to comment. He took the room key from Dean and stepped through the doorway into the stale humid air of the cramped motel. Alex headed after him, the bags sliding around on his back while he walked. Dean grabbed one of the bags and pulled back on it. A searing pain shot through Alex's upper back, catching him by surprise, but he only emitted a low grunt and scrunched his face. Dean caught the look and shook his head.

"Jerk" Alex whispered.

Dean frowned. "You did do something to that shoulder didn't you genius?"

"You asked if I dislocated it. I didn't. But you know when daeva's are throwing you around like a fucking hacky sack, your not going to feel 100 better afterward."

"Just take it easy, huh?"

"Okay Sam" he remarked and stepped into the room. Dean followed mumbling something about a 'wiseass' before shutting the door behind him.

_Alex peered through the thick secure bars of Sammy's crib. The baby coed and turned a smiling chubby face in his direction. He smiled back. His arms reached through the bars, tugging the small blanket over the younger boy. _

_On the wall in the nursery the train clock suddenly stopped ticking. Alex glanced towards it but didn't think it was all that unusual. Above the crib the mobile turned faster in a wind that didn't exist. Alex felt uneasy and glance once over his shoulder in fear. The room was empty except for the two of them. He shrugged off the feeling and turned towards little Sammy._

"_Hey, guess what?" Alex waited for an answer that wouldn't come. "I'm your big brotha. Dean is my big brotha. But I will be yours. Okay?" Once again no answer. Alex rubbed his hand across the baby's forehead and smiled. "Hey, Sammy."_

_The window to the nursery suddenly swung open. Alex stumbled back in surprise as a nasty wind caught the curtains and twirled them around. He watched, the fear running through his small body, unsure of what to do. His voice stayed silent although his child's mind told him that this wasn't right. He should call for mommy. But he didn't. _

_His arms were out of the crib and at his sides once again. Something was coming through the window. Alex hurried to pull the gate to the crib down, but it was stuck. The safety latches were far too high to reach and unhook. Sammy would be helpless. He could go find mommy but whomever or whatever was entering the room might take his baby brother before he got help._

_Running to the small space between Sammy's change table and his toy box, Alex curled his legs into his chest and hid quietly while a shadow stepped into the room. It almost looked like a man, except he was far too dark to be considered a man. He must be a shadow, Alex thought. _

_It moved towards the crib and leaned over, just as he'd seen his daddy doing only a few minutes ago. His hands reached towards his baby brother and through the fear he felt anger and hatred rising. He was about to tell the shadow to leave him alone when the creaking of floorboards caught his attention. _

_Mary Winchester was standing in the door way, her white nightgown swaying around her ankles in the wind. Blonde curls hung loosely around her worried face. She didn't seem scared of the shadow like Alex was._

"_John?"_

_Alex straightened up in his hiding spot. That wasn't his daddy. The shadow hushed his mom and she mumbled something under her breath before exiting the room. Her footfalls were quiet, yet loud enough to know when she was at the end of the hall._

_The shadow reached into the crib once more. This time Sammy let out a soft moan and followed it with a cry. He didn't sound hurt but he was upset. It was then that Alex mustered the courage to confront this man. _

_Hands on his hips, Alex stepped a foot or so away from the darkness and towards the crib._

"_You leave my brotha alone" he trembled, hands shaking uneasily on his small waist. The shadow turned slowly from the crib and smirked. His smile was only visible from the eerie glow that emanated from his yellow eyes. Evil yellow eyes that strangled anything else Alex wanted to say._

_His little heart beat faster underneath his batman pyjamas and he could feel his stomach getting sick._

"_Sammy!"_

_Mommy ran into the room, her eyes wide as the shadow turned on her. Alex shook as Mary was flung by an invisible force against the adjacent wall. A few bones cracked from the impact and the little boy stepped towards his hiding spot. Sammy wailed, as if in agony as their mother's body inched its way up onto the ceiling until it hung just over the crib. Slowly the nightgown she wore cut away at the abdomen as blood dyed the material a sickening red color. Alex watched in horror as his mommy formed a silent cry on her lips. Her blonde hair was spread out about her head and her face was much too pale. She looked frightening and not the comforting mother he'd known._

"_Mary!"_

_Sammy cried even louder and suddenly there was no more shadow. Daddy was running into the room, standing above the crib where the baby cried. He reached down and soothed the child, but something caught him off guard. Alex looked up just as his dad did and watched as if in slow motion as another drop of blood escaped from the wound on Mary's stomach._

"_Mary!" he wailed. _

_Fire erupted above them. It devoured her golden locks first and a few raining ashes caused John to cover his face and stumble back. He scooped up the 6 month old child from his crib and raced back towards the doorway. Alex could vaguely hear Dean talking to daddy while the fire continued to rain down overhead. A minute later John Winchester was back in the room, standing beside the crib and looking helplessly up to the ceiling. His wife was barely visible beneath the growing flames._

"_Daddy?" Alex whimpered._

_He felt sick. The heat was making him dizzy and he didn't quite understand what was happening. Why his mommy was on the ceiling or where the fire had come from. He wasn't even sure why the shadow had come alive. All he knew was he didn't like it. It scared him._

_John Winchester looked away from the ceiling and searched the room. He spotted his second eldest son, still only a baby himself, huddled against the wall, the sweat streaking his face black from the smoke._

"_Alex!"_

_The boy shook and trembled even as his father picked him up in his arms. John noticed this immediately and realized in concern that whatever had happened, his boy had just witnessed most or all of it. _

"_It's okay son." _

_He cupped the back of the boys head with his hand and pushed his face into his chest as he ran from the room and his home. As he tore down the front steps he noticed Dean holding Sammy just below the nursery window. He shifted Alex to the side in his arms and grabbed up his other sons just as the window exploded about them. Glass rained down, but barely touched the Winchesters. Alex gasped and let out a long sob into John's shoulder as they made it across the street. _

_John set his boys down on the wet grass and looked back towards their house. The room was aflame but everything else seemed unharmed. Behind him, Dean cradled Sammy in his arms, trying to soothe him with a few light words, the way Mary would. Alex sat with his legs folded, a distant look in his innocent eyes. They were big and scared and looked as if they had aged in just those last few minutes. He may not have understood what had happened right then, but John knew with a quick glance, that it had changed him._

Alex jerked forward through the entanglement of blankets. Heart thrashing against the bones of his ribcage, he brought an unsteady hand to his head. He ran his fingers through matted hair that hadn't been washed the night before and took in his surroundings. They were unfamiliar at first, but it wasn't as though he expected to be somewhere he recognized. Part of him felt uneasy because that three year old little boy inside thought they were back in Lawrence.

The dark haired boy looked on through the dimly lit room. His eyes stopped on one of the double beds, where sheets and blankets had been thrown to the floor and where Dean now slept, spread eagled almost. In the next bed, the blankets were tucked firmly under the mattress and the wrinkles looked as though they had all been neatly removed from prying eyes. No one slept in that bed; Sam's bed.

Alex struggled with his own blankets, grumbling at the noise his pull out cot made. He'd been too tired the night before to notice any discomfort but now, awake and fresh, he could feel his lower back giving way to every pulled muscle.

Dean seemed oblivious to the fact that Sam no longer occupied the bed next to his, but now that Alex had picked up on his little brothers disappearance there would be no possibility of falling back to sleep. Of course, after reliving your worst childhood memory, it wasn't as though he could have slept otherwise.

Stepping onto the rough carpet, Alex moved quickly through the small room. Searching the bathroom and finding nothing and then heading towards the door. His hand was on the knob when a familiar smell caught his attention. Sitting on the small table only meters from the door was a brown paper bag and next to it, two cups of coffee.

Alex smirked and picked up his own cup and rifled through the bag. He came out with a Boston cream and a few napkins then continued with his search.

Outside the cramped motel room, the sun was just beginning to rise. Bright neon oranges and soft pinks could be seen through the spaces between the trees. Bruised clouds shifted overhead, shadowing most of the parking lot and dirt road. Birds chirped gleefully while a plane flew overhead.

Alex stepped barefoot onto the welcome mat and took a refreshing sip of coffee. He'd only started drinking the stuff since Sam had come to join Dean and him on the road. Coffee had never really seemed important, but Sam had explained the importance of how a few grinded beans had gotten him through some late night cramming.

"You're up early."

Sam looked up from the cement curb where he'd been sitting for the past few minutes, enjoying the sunrise. He was grateful that Dean had picked a quiet, secluded place to hold up for a while. He needed the break from hunting and the peaceful surroundings were just what the doctor ordered.

"Couldn't sleep."

Alex motioned for Sam to scoot over and took a seat next to him.

"Bad dreams?"

Alex shook his head. "Bad memories."

He never was much of a talker that early in the morning. Sam caught the distant look in his older brother's face as he ate his donut and looked on across the parking lot. He hadn't cleaned up after they settled in last night. Blood still covered parts of his face and had made knots in his hair. He had a bruise on his right temple that was turning a dark shade of purple and yet none of this seemed to faze him. Alex walked around, ignoring it all and came off with a smile. Sam knew he was hiding it and he did a hell of a good job, a talent he had learnt from their dad.

"You still get those dreams about the fire?"

"Sometimes. No so much anymore. I guess after seeing dad last night it just triggered something. No biggie."

The last of a Boston cream stuffed its way into the boy's mouth. Sam rolled his eyes at the oozing filling.

"Dude…"

"Wot?" came the mouth filled reply.

"You girls braiding each others hair out here or what?"

The brothers looked up and caught sight of a tired Dean Winchester shivering in his boxers and a t-shirt. He tried to lean casually in the doorway, but it was obvious that he wasn't enjoying the fresh air as much as they were.

"Yeah, I can do yours next if you want?"

"You better watch yourself little brother" Dean warned, pointing a threatening finger in Alex's direction.

The boy just shook his head and stumbled to his feet. Although he'd slept soundly throughout the night, considering the pain in his shoulder, he now felt more tired than he had before he'd passed out. The day was only just beginning and already he was exhausted.

Shoulders slumped, Alex's head hung low as he headed back into the motel room. A hot shower would do the trick.

"Where you off to?"

"Shower" He replied, glancing over his shoulder and catching the strange look in his eldest brother's eyes.

He dragged his feet through their room, picking up the brown duffel bag containing his clothes that he had so carelessly tossed onto the floor the night before. A red t-shirt was poking out so he took that and threw it over one shoulder. Dirty jeans stained with dry blood were next, he pushed them aside and instead grabbed a pair of light blue ones that were badly wrinkled and had some grass stains on the left knee. No one ever said the Winchester men were good at doing laundry. He picked a pair of underwear out of the side pocket and took his toothbrush in hand and headed for the bathroom.

The motel door was opened a few moments later. Sam leaned comfortably against the doorframe, a light breeze from outside tickling the back of his unprotected neck.

Dean headed for the bathroom.

"Hey, you in the shower yet?"

Alex grumbled from behind the wooden door. "Do you hear the water running?"

"Hey, can I get in there and change?"

"Do it after! What's your…"

"I'm heading into town with Sam. Come on man, I don't want to go in my boxers. Just let me in."

Alex pulled a stiff towel off the rack and wrapped it quickly about his waist before stepping back out into the open space. He shot Dean a short glare and watched as his older brother ran to get his own bag and then disappeared into the room.

"Don't take too long" the younger Winchester called.

Taking a seat on one of the beds, Alex turned towards Sam who still took up residence in the motel doorway. He was quiet. Too quiet really. Although he wasn't that much of a talker, Sam was never this passive. The older Winchester knew it must still have to do with the events of the night before.

"So, you boys figured you'd head into town and not invite me, huh?" Alex shrugged away the worrying thoughts of how Sam was doing and tried to make light as if nothing was going on. That was of course, his specialty; making light of things.

"No, we figured while we were in town, that you would maybe get it through your head to take it easy for the day" Dean said coming around the side of his bed and putting his bag down.

"Hey, I don't need any bed rest."

"Of course you don't" Sam smirked.

"I don't. Dean, I've been thrown around way worse before. I mean, that Meg chick didn't even come close…"

"Your shoulders still all banged up. I want you to take today -at least- to just relax. Let it heal for 24 hours."

By then Dean had moved to Sam's side and was shifting his weight from foot to foot, eagerly waiting the moment when he would once again be sitting behind the wheel of the black Impala.

"And what am I supposed to do all day?"

"Take a shower. Channel surf. Whatever your heart desires" Dean opened his arms and indicated the motel room as if it were some expensive getaway to Cancun.

"Oh, ya, nice. I'll just relax, watch some tasteless episodes of the Price is Right. Not Wheel of Fortune though, no, God forbid if I get myself too wound up."

"See that's the spirit. Hey, and if you're good, maybe I'll bring you back a happy meal."

"Just go" Alex growled and nearly tossed the older man out into the parking lot. "Don't take your sweet time either. I don't think I could handle this place for too long."

No one answered him though. Alex stood, tired and sore, watching longingly as his brothers waved goodbye and climbed into the 67 Chevy. He wasn't joking when he said he didn't want to be alone in the room for too long. The main reason was for the sake of boredom. Sure he'd be just as bored when the two of them returned but then at least they could share in it with him. The much lesser reason he didn't want them to be gone long was after the run in with Meg, he'd begun to realize that the closer they came to finding the thing that killed their mother, the more he understood how much he needed his family. Their dad had almost died. It hadn't even been a whole day since those events. There had always been close calls. The angry spirit in Louisiana, the Chupacabra in Jersey, the possessed doll in Boston, they'd all been close calls. Every hunt meant possible death, but this thing that killed their mom, Alex was sure it was something much worse. He could feel it.

It had to be something worse, right? Their father, the great John Winchester had seemed so sure about it. That was why he hadn't returned their calls. The reason he hadn't come to see them in Lawrence or had been there when Dean was dying, right? It had to be bad if he hadn't been there all that time.

Alex felt the pain of hot tears as they blurred his vision for a moment. He blinked them away, hugged the towel closer to his abdomen and hurried into the bathroom. There was no way he'd start to cry now. Not after all he'd been through.

Soon the only hot sensation the boy felt was the warm massage of the shower. The onslaught of water loosened up the tense muscles in his back. Alex tried desperately to get the knot out of his hair, but with all the blood and dirt, it was proving a bit tougher than he had first thought it to be.

Thick fingers combed through the somewhat long brown hair. They caught in the tangled mess and pulled and struggled as much as the boy would will them. He wasn't going to take the chance of ripping any chunks of hair out, so he decided against the struggling and began to lather a bit of cheap motel shampoo into the mess on top of his head.

"The days grow shorter and the nights are getting long, feels like we're running out of time…"

Alex hummed and picked up the bar of soap. It had been used before. The edges were chiseled down and a fresh hair stuck out on top. He knew his brothers hadn't showered already, just rinsed off the blood, so he was a little disgusted when he had to turn the soap over and use the hairless side.

"Every day it seems much harder tellin' right from wrong. You got to read between the lines…God, Dean and his damn music. It's not enough I hear it in the car, but now I'm singing it? And I'm talking to myself too."

Reaching behind to get as his shoulder blade, the bar of soap suddenly slipped from his grip and slid around the ceramic tub. Alex was bent down, picking it back up when he thought he saw the shower curtains move ever so slightly. From the corner of his eye he thought he saw a shadow standing closest towards the door, however by then the hunter in him had told him to stay crouched and the fear coursing through his veins kept him that way.

He snapped his head around in mere seconds and found no shadow. Of course, the movement had jarred a few sore muscles out of hiding. Then, as the pain was receding, footsteps sounded. The curtains moved again but there was no shadow.

Alex tried to listen for more, but with the heavy pounding of the shower he could barely discern the other sounds from the water. He knew he couldn't shut it off, well, not unless he wanted the person to get suspicious or to just jump out at him from behind the curtain while he was bent down.

Looking around the small space, he tried his best to search for something, anything, but the only protection he would have would be the miniature bottles of shampoo and used bar soap.

Mentally slapping himself, Alex readied himself for whatever lurked behind the curtain. Arms at the ready, he steadied himself as best as he could in the slippery tub and ventured to pull the curtain back. Before his fingers even touched it, the plastic was whipped back. The surprise shocked Alex, so that he lost his footing. His eyes played across the room hurriedly while he fell backwards, hitting his injured back on the back edge of the bathtub. He cried out and felt his vision blur for a moment.

A low laugh followed his moans. Alex looked up and the room spun but it wasn't enough to stop him from seeing who stood near him. The short blonde hair, the wicked grin.

"Meg?" Alex gritted through the pain.

She had fallen nearly seven stories. She couldn't have survived that. How had she found them?

Alex squinted and tried to sit up but the pain overtook him once more. He sunk back into the tub, looked up, expecting the woman to attack him but she didn't, in fact, he could barely see where she was. The room was blurring and the water continued to hit his chest and legs. The water was turning cold; he was feeling more tired than he had before and he could barely move.

He sat there a while, waiting for the blonde to kill him, hurt him, anything, but she never did. Alex assumed she must have just been standing there the entire time, but later on he realized she had just left. He had been untouched and lying there in the tub far too long.

From the front of the motel, Alex heard the clicking of keys. It had to be his brothers. He didn't think they'd be back so soon.

"Alex?" It was Sam.

He struggled through the water and wet ceramic coffin but it was useless. When his brother came to get him, he'd have no dignity left, whatsoever.

"Al, you still in the shower?" the door to the room creaked open slightly "Dean dropped me back off, figured I'd rest up too. Can you hurry up, I gotta pee."

Alex smiled at how young Sam sounded when he said that.

"Sammy…" he said, struggling with his body once again.

Sam froze. Pushing the door the rest of the way open, he walked cautiously towards the shower. Alex never called him by the nickname Dean used. Rarely ever.

"Alex?" He peered his head slowly around the corner and caught site of his brother, teeth chattering and laying naked with his back against the tub. "Oh, shit."

He reached forward, pulling the curtain all the way back and got down on his knees next to his older brother.

"Hey, you okay? What happened?"

Alex put a reassuring hand on Sam's shoulder and nodded towards the shower.

"Turn it off, please" he chattered. Sam hit himself for not noticing the blue lips and immediately turned off the taps. Alex sagged further against the ceramic in relief and looked into a pair of worried brown eyes. "I saw her Sam."

"Saw who?"

Alex didn't look too good. His eyes were wandering everywhere and not focusing the way Sam would have liked. He seemed sore and worse off than when Dean and him had left only forty five minutes earlier.

"Meg. She was here. I…I was in here and she surprised me from behind the curtain. I think she's gone now."

Sam frowned. Meg had taken a seven story drop. There was no way she would be around bothering them, besides she couldn't track them down that quickly had she been alive, which she wasn't.

"Al, you saw her. She took a swan dive into rock hard cement…"

"I know. But I also saw her standing in front of me, in here. Jeez, how do you think I wound up on my ass?"

The frustration was overwhelming. Alex combed back a piece of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. Sam was still leaning over the tub, arms at his sides, watching with apprehension. The look told his older brother everything. There was too much worry in the boys brown eyes, it made Alex uncomfortable. He didn't like to be fussed over and the feelings the younger Winchester stirred inside him reflected that.

"Look, maybe it was nothing and maybe it wasn't. All I want to worry about is dragging myself out of this thing without pulling something."

Sam seemed to take the hint. While Alex used what was left of his strength to help, the two managed to drag him out of the tub and into the main room. The fresh change of clothes that Alex had picked out an hour earlier were still waiting for him in the bathroom, but Sam suggested that it would be better if he slipped into something more comfortable.

In a matter of minutes, Alex was relaxing in Dean's bed, freshly dressed in a pair of loose grey track pants and a white T-shirt. His eyes were closed and the light breathing coming from his side of the room seemed to ease the worry in Sam's heart. The older Winchester had fallen asleep quite fast, but it wasn't something he wanted to think about right then. He just needed to keep alert and make sure Alex slept for an hour at the very least.

Sam wasn't sure why he needed to stay alert. Meg was no longer a threat to the Winchesters. She had fallen to her death. The three of them had seen it. Hell, their own father had confirmed it when they'd met up with him later that same night. The only problem was, why was Alex seeing her? He knew no matter how much his shoulder might be hurting, Alex wasn't the type to start hallucinating. Whatever was going on, Sam just needed to be ready. He wasn't going to let anything happen and he wouldn't let his guard down until he heard the reassuring sound of his brother's car pulling into the parking lot.

**Author's Note 2:** Okay, so that's the first chappie kiddies. Hope the format is okay, if not let me know and I'll fix it right up. Chapter two is nearly finished just another page, so if you're enjoying this let me know. I'll update right away.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: OKay, here's the next chappie as promised. It's a little boring but I'm fighting writers block. The next chapter may be in a few days but if i get a lot of reviews maybe i could change that lol. THe next one will pick up in excitement and drama. Enjoy as usual and as always leave a couple of helpful words at the end. Also, I appologize for not making the dream sequence very noticeable, right after i posted I noticed so I hope that didn't give anyone problems, and I made sure to fix it this time.

Disclaimer: I don't own our boys. Come on if I did do you think I'd be spending my time typing up Supernatural fanfiction? Come on, I'd have the real thing. Lol. Awe one can only dream.

Chapter 2:

No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise  
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw  
Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end  
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize  
When he catches his reflection on accident

----Brothers on a Hotel Bed by: Death Cab for Cutie

Sam was leaning over the small kitchen table when Dean stepped into their room two hours later. The smell of artery clogging fries and homemade hamburgers caught his attention first before he realized who held them tauntingly in front of him. The older Winchester smirked at the longing expression on his brother's face.

Dean dropped the Styrofoam containers in front of Sam and it was then that he caught the boys bloodshot eyes and fallen smile. He looked exhausted, sitting hunched over in the stiff wooden chair. The boy's trusty laptop sat in front of him, displaying nothing more than a black screen, while piles of books, including the leather bound Winchester journal, remained closed. He held his head tiredly in his wide hands, while his eyes rolled over the diner that had just been place in front of him.

"Sorry it's not our usual five course meal." Dean smirked, but it didn't last long. When no quick remark fell from Sam's lips, he turned a look of worry towards him. Only a dull sound, that was barely audible came out, and it had only been spoken after the long awaited pause.

"Sammy?"

Sam shook his head, not even glancing back towards Dean, before quickly rising to his feet and heading towards the back of the room. He made his way in silence, his arms swaying lifelessly at his side. Dean watched with more than apprehension as Sam stopped near the last bed in their room. Deans.

A body, turned over on it's right side, slept soundly beneath the sheets. It wasn't until after he took a closer look, that Dean realized it was Alex sleeping in his bed.

"Sam, what the hell…"

The younger Winchester shot him a quick glare that cut off anything else Dean wanted to say. Whatever was wrong, he could wait a few more minutes to find out.

Sam leaned over Alex, his eyes going over him carefully. The boy had been turning fitfully in his sleep only twenty minutes earlier and although Sam had managed to wake him up, the look in his older brothers eyes wasn't one he'd been expecting. His eyes had displayed more emotion in that one instant, than he had seen in almost twenty some years. They were unfocused at first, but it could have been from the lack of sleep he knew his brother had been getting and the possible pain from his shoulder. Although he'd denied the emotion Sam had seen as nothing, as was usual with both the older Winchester boys, Sam knew better. He'd been worried since Alex had mentioned Meg in the bathroom and the look of pain, maybe even fear, didn't ease the younger man's mind anymore.

"Sammy" Dean tried again from across the room.

The guilt set in with that one word. Sam pulled the sheet closer around Alex's torso and turned a smile that struggled to stay intact, towards his oldest brother. He hadn't meant to be so withdrawn as soon as Dean came back, but he was just so caught up with the events of the last few hours, he hadn't really had time to think about anything else. Now that his brother stood before him, with that questioning look on his face, he knew he'd better get this over with.

"Dean, can we go outside."

Dean nodded and led the way back towards the parking lot. He leaned casually up against the brick siding of the motel; hands dug anxiously into the bottom of his jeans pockets while he waited for Sam to join him.

Something was up. That much Dean knew, but what, only Sam seemed to know. The feeling of being left in the dark, even if for a few minutes, didn't settle with the skilled hunter very well. He caught on fast when something wasn't right with one of his brothers and he knew damn well that something definitely wasn't right. He'd felt it as soon as he'd stepped into the motel. It had been too quiet. Sam had seemed too distraught and Alex had been asleep. The boy who never settled down, had the stiff and musty sheets of his queen size bed draped about him, while he dreamt soundly, unaware of the outside world. It sounded like a Kodak moment, but it scared the shit out of Dean. After deserting the boy he figured he'd at least hear about it when he got back.

"Dean, are you listening?"

Sam was standing impatiently in front of him. The youngest of the Winchester clan stood a few good inches taller than him, looking down with that frustrated scowl. Dean shook his head.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

The boy's gaze faltered. First towards the far end of the parking lot, as if something had caught his eye and then down to his fading runners before finally resting on Dean. Dean watched, picking up the nervous actions his brother made. Picking at a loose thread on the hip of his jeans, the grinding of his teeth.

"Sam, what happened?"

How was he supposed to help protect his brother if he didn't know what to protect him from? Dean's stomach started to do flips, churning uneasily while Sam just stood there, shifting his weight, debating how get the information out.

"Alex" the word left Sam's mouth before he had time to think. Dean nodded, as if he understood. His throat tightened out of fear but he kept up the calm exterior which he'd been mastering for years. "Alex, he…Dean, when I came back after leaving, I found Alex in the bathtub."

"Dude! He told us he was taking a shower…"

"No, Dean. He fell."

Dean glanced at the motel door. "Is he okay?"

"A little bruised. His shoulder's hurting a bit more, but that's to be expected."

"But that's not what has you all worked up."

"No, it's not." Sam breathed deeply before going on. "Alex fell because he said someone sneaked up on him while he was showering." He paused once more. "He's convinced it was Meg."

* * *

_He was hiding again. The hotel was quiet save for the light breathing from the remaining Winchesters. Alex was huddled, knees drawn against his chest, in the far corner of the room. It had been almost two years since they left Lawrence, but the images would not stop appearing late at night, tormenting the five year old. Every day he thought of the fire. Wondered why mommy had never found them yet. Dean had said she would never find them, that she had gone some place better, but Alex knew that his older brother was just as clueless as he was._

_A low moan broke the stillness. The boy's head perked up. Dark eyes, deprived early on of their youth, searched through the thick onslaught of ebony. Baby Sammy, who wasn't quite a baby anymore, struggled next to Dean. He was asleep, but something was obviously bothering him. Alex wondered if his little brother had the dreams too. Did he remember how Alex had tried to fight the shadow? How hot the fire felt and how their mommy had cried? How daddy had cried?_

_Alex shifted. He pulled John's heavy brown jacket around his front. Car keys and change made the material heavy, but as long as it kept him warm he didn't care._

_Dean let out a deep sigh. Even in sleep he was the tough older boy that Alex admired. The hero he so desperately wanted to be. Both boys tried to be strong. For Sammy; for Daddy, but Alex could feel himself starting to break. They'd been driving for two years and he wondered when he would see their home again. Daddy never talked about Kansas, or Aunt Lillian and Uncle Drew. No one ever talked about it, so neither did Alex. He hoped they were going back soon, because he missed all the toys he had to leave behind. Of course, deep down inside, Alex knew, they weren't ever going home. _

_The motel drifted in and out of focus before the boys brown eyes. His brothers and the hotel beds disappeared, blurring into another image. Alex found himself no longer huddled in the safety of an empty corner, but alone, sprawled on his back in the mud. The moon loomed above in the starless sky. This seemed familiar but the boy could not figure out why._

_Alex struggled to his feet and found his left wrist hurt to move. He wondered where their dad had run off to. Where were Sam and Dean? They were supposed to look out for each other._

_He stumbled forward and caught a glimpse of his reflection in a murky puddle. The light from the full moon was enough to reveal the youthful face of a scruffy hared nine year old. It wasn't until then that Alex also caught sight of the loaded sawed-off shotgun dangling from his undamaged hand. He looked a mess, standing there with Dean's old red blazer, now caked in mud and remnants from the forest floor. _

_In an instant everything came back. He was hunting. This was his first hunt with daddy and Dean. They were after a Jersey Devil. It was hiding out in the forest. Sammy was at Pastor Jim's because he couldn't hunt. Daddy told them to split up, but for Dean and him to stick together. Dean hadn't listened. Alex lost sight of his brother after three minutes and after five minutes had missed his footing on a steep hill and banged himself up a bit. That's why his wrist hurt. _

_Alex shuddered. He was alone. Tiny fingers held tight to the wet handle of the shotgun. Soggy running shoes barely gripped the steady climb back up the hill. Sweat ran down the length of the young Winchesters face. His body felt bruised and every part of him ached. He pushed through. Many times daddy had come home much worse. Pastor Jim had to watch them when daddy was like that. Dean might be like that._

_The boy cursed his older brother out. Being alone was not part of the plan. Not on his first hunt. He was sure Dean would be fine but what if the creature came after him? What if he wasn't as ready as daddy thought he was?_

_Through the thick barrier of trees, a shrill cry rang out. It bounced off the forest walls, nearly knocking Alex off his feet in shock. It was Dean._

_Before he could think, Alex raced towards the sound of his brother. The unsteady ground gave way to the boy slipping every so often, but if he did, he just got right back up. The gun swayed readily in the air, hitting his thigh with reassurance. _

"_Come on Dean, where are you?"_

_Alex had stopped; circling about in place in hopes his brother would call out once more. _

"_Come on…"_

"_Dad!"_

_Alex ran again. There was a clearing up ahead but it was still far from reach. Luckily he didn't have to run there. A moan sounded from a few feet away. The hunter raised his weapon, just the way his daddy had taught him. Careful not to be taken off guard, he moved stealthily through the dead leaves and over fallen branches. _

_Dean._

_Alex almost lost his grip on the shotgun. There was his big brother; his hero, trembling amongst the dirt. He kept the gun raised but didn't pay much heed to his surroundings as he'd down a minute earlier._

"_Dean" he whispered. A dark liquid ran down the right side of his brothers face and only a few inches away on his chest were a series of scratches that had torn through his shirt and flesh. They weren't deep, but Alex could tell it had scared him. "Dean, what happened?"_

_Until that moment, Dean hadn't said anything, or even acknowledged that Alex was sitting in front of him. The older boy tore his gaze away from a nearby bush and turned glassy eyes on his baby brother. There was a distant look in the green orbs, one that scared little Alex. He backed up a step, but reached out a gentle hand on his brother's cheek. It came away covered in blood that still flowed freely down pale skin. _

"_Alex, it's here. It's here, Alex." _

_Dean wasn't making any sense. His eyes scanned the area around them then came to rest once again on the bush._

"_What is Dean? Where is it?"_

_There was no answer, but the boy pointed towards the bush. Alex knew what that gesture meant. _

"_I got it Dean."_

_His brother shook his head and yelped when he tried to stand. He panted heavily behind Alex, hand raised up against his forehead in hopes of bringing the pain down a few notches._

"_Stay." Alex warned._

_The bush shook wildly before the two boys. Alex swallowed hard and raised the shotgun. It didn't take long for the creature to prepare itself for a new attack. It sprung out from the bush, snarling something awful and tore across the small space between himself and the young hunters. Alex held his breath and aimed. The beast was almost close enough. Dean let out a small sound that caught midway in his throat. Alex's finger curled over the trigger. One shot. **Crack! Thud!** The monster hit the ground and struggled back to his feet. Alex didn't waste any time. **Crack! Thud! Crack! Crack!**_

_The fireworks ended and the boy stumbled back, covered in the slain creature's fresh blood. It covered his body, but he ignored it and turned his attention back on his injured brother. Dean was looking wide eyed at him, half in fear and the other half Alex wasn't quite sure about. A small smirk appeared on the older Winchester's face._

"_You did good Al."_

_Alex beamed. A toothy grin spread across his features as he trudged through the dirt back to Dean's side. When he got there his brother was already falling prey to the dark. Heavy weights were pulling Dean's eyelids downward. It made Alex's heart skip and his stomach twist._

"_Please Dean, stay awake a bit longer. Dad will be here soon. Please Dean."_

_His brother was unresponsive. It was too late. Alex cried and pulled Dean against his chest. He couldn't be alone. Not in the forest at night. He needed Dean to wake up, but knew he wouldn't. Not until dad found them._

_The silent cries soon turned to sobs and Alex nearly clung to his brother as if even lost in unconsciousness he might save him in case the creature rose suddenly from the dead. But it hadn't been Dean who had saved the day that time. It had been him. Skinny little Alex, who was too short to reach the cookies on the fridge, had rescued his older brother. Maybe he could be a hero just like Dean. Like their daddy._

_Alex rocked Dean in his arms, mumbling soothing words of comfort._

"_Don't worry anymore Dean. I killed it. I saved you. You don't have to protect me anymore" Alex smiled. "You watch Sammy, he's just a baby. I'll watch you Dean. When dad is gone I'll watch the both of us. You don't have to worry Dean. It's okay now."_

"_Alex? Dean?"_

_John Winchester was stomping through the forest. Alex heard him. He wasn't careful to not make any noise. The older man stumbled through the last heavy mess of brush and nearly tripped over the bloodied Jersey Devil. Alex looked up to his dad and caught the sight of yellow eyes looking back at him through the dark. The shadow's eyes that had killed their mom. Alex gulped and grabbed closer to his brother. He promised nothing would happen to Dean. _

_John cocked his head and stepped forward._

"_Alex?Alex!"_

* * *

Alex struggled against the strong hold on his chest. Another hand came round and landed on his shoulder. Peering out through half open eyes, he gasped, still recovering from the dream and surprised to find Dean trying to restrain him. When realization hit, the boy sunk back tiredly in the bed. Dean's hold relaxed, but didn't completely release.

"Christ, couldn't you have waited until I was awake to take advantage of me. Or at least when I'm in a coma. That way I don't have to find you smirking at me when I wake up."

Sam, who stood at the other end of the room, making head way into Dean's complimentary dinner, just shook his head.

"You were flailing around like the devil was after you."

"Flailing?" Alex scoffed. "Sammy, who the hell flails?"

"Obviously you do."

"Ooh, college boy thinks he's so funny."

Dean moved aside onto Sam's bed but directed that stern, hunter look towards Alex. He didn't acknowledge it at first but when Dean refused to look away, even after a pillow grazed the top of his head Alex decided it was time for a lecture.

"What? I got food on my face? Or are you just admiring some fine handy work?"

The smirk didn't appear. It was as if Dean had turn to stone in just a few minutes. He frowned but didn't bother to reply. That only made Alex even more frustrated. Sam had obviously relayed the events of the last few hours to Dean, it was the only explanation for why he was sitting at the back of the room chewing on a plastic fork, while Dean just stared. That's all it took. Or maybe that was all Alex was worth was a stare. In the end he caved after a mere minute and a half.

"Look, I know what you're thinking…"

"Do you?"

The voice was dull. Dean's face was emotionless and his eyes glazed over as if he were off somewhere else.

"Yeah, I do." Alex was determined not to let his brothers push him around. "I get that you guys are freaked. But don't get your panties in a bunch just yet. Okay?"

There was a pause.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch?"

"Yeah, it means…"

"I know what it means Al." Dean rubbed furiously against the build up of stubble on his chin. The gesture mirrored a younger John Winchester. Alex cringed to think of his brother that way. "I mean, is that all you can say? Don't get your panties in a bunch?"

"Well what did you expect me to say? I was so scared. Next time I go to the bathroom will someone fucking escort me?"

"Don't get smart with me…"

"Dean, I'm 25, I can take care of myself."

"That's why you wound up naked on your ass in the bathtub. Cause you can take care of yourself?"

"Oh, for God's sake, shit happens."

"Don't give me that. Don't give that lame t-shirt catch phrase shit to try and smooth this over. Something happened when we were gone and I want to know what."

"Well I can't very well start pulling out answers from a hat now can I?"

"What about Meg?" Dean's temper had cooled down. He was serious again and expressionless.

"What about her? Psycho made contact with the cement."

"You believe that?"

"Well, we sure as hell don't believe she tried to steal a glance of my Johnson in the shower."

That comment had been pushing it. Alex realized too late after the words had left his mouth, that the sarcasm should have ended three heated sentences ago. Dean's hands shot through the muggy hotel air above his head. Sam was silent and the tension was almost palpable. Circling around them it echoed half intelligent remarks and worry that hit harder than whiplash.

"Dean…"

A quiet, struggle of a voice started from somewhere on the bed next to the middle Winchester. It sounded unsure of itself and timid. Dean's attention focused on him and Alex realized it was his voice that sounded so frail. There was a lump rising beneath the thick, dry walls of his throat. No saliva formed in his mouth to help swallow the guilt back into his stomach. It sat there, heavy and bitter on his tongue. He took in Dean's depleting form. At times he forgot his brother was only a year older than him. Days would pass where it seemed as though he was the father they'd never really had. The one who should have taught them football and watch action movies when mom was out at the garden club. But he wasn't. He was their brother. The oldest of the Winchester three, who had been dumped with the responsibility to look after the rest of the family. Alex could see now how tired the hunter looked. The dark bags beneath his eyes and the lopsided grin that barely kept itself turned up.

Alex steadied his voice in hopes of pushing out that nine year old little boy who was still unsure of how to fix the mess the two of them had made. He thought of their first hunt together and how he had protected Dean from the ravenous beast. The feeling of pride that had settled in when Dean congratulated him and then the look of disappointment John had shot him, when he covered for his brother and said he'd run off instead of Dean. The tears that had swelled in his eyes when he'd been punished to stay at the motel with Sam for months on end, while Dean and dad continued the hunt for evil.

Alex had to tell himself that the little boy no longer existed. He'd given up the idea of trying to protect Dean, because John made it clear that it wasn't Alex's place. The only one Alex could look after was Alex and even now, as he sat across from Dean, he wasn't sure he was doing much of a job at that. The pride would be swallowed and Alex would let Dean pretend to be the hero again, just as he did for Sam.

"Dean, I know this is bugging you. I'm sorry it is, but I can't help it if I don't know what really happened. Maybe I was just tired and imagined Meg standing there. I must have right?"

Alex's last words came out as the young boy inside and he cursed himself for sounding so weak. Dean had picked up on the change in attitude. He looked worriedly towards his brother and forced another grin.

"Yeah, that's probably all it was. But don't do that again. You had Miss Sammy over here pacing around like a father waiting for his wife to give birth."

They left it at that. Nothing else could solve the new problem that awaited them. If it was a problem at all. Alex didn't want to bother thinking it was anything big but he knew this was only the beginning. Their run in with Meg in Chicago was only a taste of what would become another long journey after the demon.

Dean smirked and pulled the laptop further from Sam's reach. Alex watched and wished; hoped that things would get better soon. That John would decide to come back for them and that maybe they could handle the supernatural as a team, as a family. It wouldn't be that way though. No more all for one and one for all crap. The brothers, his brothers, they would need to fix their family together, to take down the demon without their father. It scared him, but Alex wasn't sure John would be coming back for them any time soon and they had to be prepared in the event the demon decided to come for them first.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry about the little pause, it's been a little over a week I believe since I last updated this and I know it can be annoying but these are actually fast updates. I've just finished summer school so they may come a bit faster but I'm still working at the video store so I'll find time between. As always thank you so much for the reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying this story and if you haven't already check out my newest one Crash Course, lol, gotta pimp all my fanfics. Any that one will be updated shortly, I've already written four pages on the third chapter. Anyway, thank you for the reviews and enjoy!

Disclaimer: What, I don't own Supernatural? Since when! Oh always, that's right. Lol.

**Note: There will be some potty language(lol potty) in this chapter and a very long dream sequence. I apologize if people don't like these flashbacks, I've had no complaints so far but if you feel that they are taking away from the story let me now and I'll try to refrain from using so many. As it is right now I have a reasoning behind them which will come into play further on in the story, I just know a lot of flashbacks can get annoying. So, any comments on this subject would be appreciated. Also, I hope the one I've included does not confuse anyone, if so let me know. Thanks!**

Chapter 3:

_**Refuse to feel,**_

_**Anything at all **_

_**Refuse to slip, **_

_**Refuse to Fall**_

_**Can't be weak, **_

_**Can't stand still **_

_**You watch your back,  
'Cause no one will**_

_**You don't know why they had to go this far **_

_**Traded your worth for these scars **_

_**For your only Company **_

_**Don't believe the lies that they told to you  
Not one word was true**_

_**You're alright, You're alright,  
You're alright**_

**----Simon By: Lifehouse**

None of them talked about the shower incident again. It was obvious that Dean didn't want another 'Dr. Phil Moment' and Alex didn't think he could handle one. Up until the day they'd left the motel everything had been just, well, normal. The three of them had taken their short leave of absence from the Supernatural world and turned it into a three day pass to Hicksville USA, population, redneck, and then perused the local taverns. Sam wasn't all to keen on Alex and Dean going out almost every night, but he also hadn't bothered to stop either of them. Once or twice the youngest Winchester had decided to come along for the ride, but mostly, he just hauled up in their room and watched The People's Court and Googled some possible gigs.

Dean was all for hitting the road again after three days in the same town. The others didn't oppose the decision, so, early Thursday morning, just after seven, the boys climbed into the Impala and took off towards their next job. Little did his brothers know, everything hadn't been quite so normal. Not for Alex anyway. He'd done his best to push through the days, that Winchester grin plastered with false sincerity across his face. In all truth he hadn't slept well since Sam found him naked on his ass in the stained porcelain tub. They were mostly memories that haunted him while unconsciousness took hold his body. Memories that he'd sooner like to forget. Growing up around guns and demons, learning that you had to fight through the broken bones in order to save your brothers, those were the lessons he'd been taught as a child. Those were the things that had helped to trigger the tormented sleep all those years ago and now, it was as though the damn had finally broken and here they were, haunting him again.

Alex slumped against the backseat window, feeling the pull of sleep on his eye lids. Lack of rest could be damaging to a person's system. He knew from experience how awful it could get. It had been days since he'd last slept for more than two hours at a time and sitting in the impala, listening to the engine purr and the tape deck play only made this realization all the more clear.

Dean was taunting Sam from the driver's side. Alex wasn't sure what his older brother was saying, the voice just came out as a loud, rough sound that barely registered in his mind at all. There was a light ringing sound in the boy's right ear that slowly wound its way to the left. Dean's laughter rose in pitch, while a frustrated sigh rose from the seat where Sam sat. Alex messaged sore temples, going roughly against the taut flesh in a counterclockwise motion. The conversation continued. The ache in his head grew. Vaguely the young hunter wondered if this was how Sam felt when he had his visions. If it hurt nearly as bad as this. Even with all these questions filtering through the agony behind his eyes, Alex knew that he wasn't having a vision. Sam had the visions. Not him. Missouri had never mentioned anything about visions or that all knowingness when they'd stopped in Lawrence all those months ago. She was psychic of course and if he did have anything remotely close to what Sam had, then she would have picked it up. Right?

Alex clenched his jaw and slid in the seat until his right side connected with the bottom. He lay there, catching his breath, the sweat leaving cellophane tracks along his cheeks. His eyes remained open, wide and alert and he scanned in detail the black seat nearly suffocating his face. Another pain shot through his head, enveloping his body in a struggle to keep consciousness and not seizure off the seat. Fire filed into his abdomen, lighting a trail all the way to his chest. He couldn't breath. If he sucked in a shaky breath of stale air it only filled his lungs with a hot, sulfurous taste that only created more of a struggle for his body. White light exploded behind open eyes. Alex gave out a rough, haggard cough that went unnoticed by both Sam and Dean.

"What do you mean you slept with Kim Carlson back in Portland?" Sam's voice broke through the pain. Alex struggled to find his way back to the voice. If he could concentrate hard enough, than maybe he'd be able to find the words buried deep by the agony he was in and let his brothers know what was going on.

"Sammy, you know Kim was three years older than you bro. Besides, she was way out of your lanky ass league. She was into guys with muscles and brains."

"Then why did she decide to sleep with you?"

Alex gave out another cough. Why was everything shifting in and out of focus? He tried to turn around, so that he could at least have the reassuring view of the back of the two front seats, but as it was he couldn't see them at all. His body wouldn't cooperate the way he wanted and he couldn't turn onto his other side for the life of him. Which Alex began thinking, would be almost up if the pain didn't stop soon.

"Oh, that hurts Sam. It does. You know Kim had a little sister."

"Becky Brace Face Carlson? I wouldn't have touched that with a ten foot pole."

"What! Becky was all over you. Or was it your yearbook photo she was all over. Anyway the point is Sammy…"

"It's Sam!"

"Uh, huh. Anyway, like I was saying. The point is…"

Alex shuddered and clawed at the upholstery, clinging to it for dear life. He could feel his heart racing much faster than it should have been. The first rule in one of these situations was not to panic, it had engraved in his head as a child because if he panicked then things would only get worse. This time he couldn't help himself. His breathing quickened and became shallower. How was he supposed to keep calm when he couldn't even breathe properly without biting back a scream?

A chill circulated through the back of the impala. Alex trembled violently in his loose jeans and Dean's black hooded sweater. He thought that it was something supernatural, only that could explain the sudden drop in temperature but when Dean and Sam continued their conversation as if nothing had change, he realized it was him. He could feel his hands shake as they clung to the seat and his teeth no longer stayed silent but chattered loudly. The sound mingle with the rest of the noise in the Chevy and created a dark fog of disordered and confusion inside his head.

Eyes still very much open began to loose sight of the familiar black seat. A new image was coming into view. A quick snapshot if you will. It wasn't a hallmark picture or anything, but a memory. A shadowed memory that had been buried long ago within the vaults of Alex's head now resurfaced. The fire; it burned red hot and rose more than ten feet tall, was now spreading out like a wave across the open space before him. Alex tried to shout but no sound came out. There was only darkness and the slow crawl of the fire. Through the ebony Alex heard a voice calling out to him.

"Daddy's never around when you need him. Is he?"

The fire disappeared and the seat came back into focus. He'd never closed his eyes and yet for a few minutes it had felt as if he'd fallen asleep. The breaths he took in were shaky to say the least. Had someone spoken to him?

Alex tried to move from his awkward position once again. Another jolt passed through him, almost like an electrical shock. It stole his breath and left him shaken up, eyes shut and slowly falling unconscious. Series of sharp pains ciphered through the hunter's entire body. From his toes to his head and he writhed about in the seat as if somehow the movement would exorcise the torture out of him. All it did was make it worse. With every turn of his head, with every raised arm or kicking leg the agony grew until finally Alex couldn't feel any new oxygen circulating through his system. No humid air brushed past his lips or along the back of his throat. He was no longer breathing. The cold nearly burnt his flesh and soon all he felt was the reassuring darkness coming to claim his tired soul.

_Alex shivered against the late august winds. The deserted highway stretched out before him and on and on it went, over the far hill, seeming endless from his seat on the highway shoulder. Two weeks had past since Sam had left his family behind at a rundown motel in Arkansas. No phone call, no email, no contact from the youngest Winchester in two weeks and although neither Dean nor John mentioned that night, Alex new they were worried. Not that Sam couldn't handle himself, but that he'd be able to handle himself well enough to not find the need to come back home. Wherever home was that month. _

_Searching through his brown duffle bag, Alex pulled out a silver flask. It was Dean's flask that he brought along with him on hunts. Most days the small container held holy water, tonight it held Whiskey. Nothing else but the strong bitter taste of Whiskey would rid Alex of the worry he felt. _

_Three days ago he'd been hunting with both Dean and John. They'd gone their separate ways through the abandoned farmland. It was all a lot of nothing really, just a crumbling house and an old barn ravaged by bad weather. The property wasn't selling quite the way the realtor wanted due to reports of children wandering onto the farm and turning up in pieces about the property. There weren't any suspects. Some of the locals believed a drifter had been squatting in the house and that he'd been the cause of the two young bodies that had turned up dead. The only problem was when police searched the area no drifter was found and there hadn't been any evidence at all, of anyone ever living in the house during the recent months. That was where the Winchesters came in. John had done some digging into the history of the old farm, turned up some crazy story about a farmer and a few local murders, connected it to a dangerous spirit and away they went. To fight evil and banish ghosts and all that Sci-Fi hero shit._

_Alex had volunteered to check out the barn. It was a one man search because the area to be covered wasn't much and the house was more on its last legs and more of a liability when it came to the hunter's safety. Truth was, Alex hadn't felt like being around his dad or Dean on this hunt. It was the first one since Sammy had left and it just didn't seem right. When his younger brother had fled he'd been the only one to say something, to try and mend the fight. Dean had stayed silent, camouflaged into the cheap motel wallpaper, while John didn't stop for breath. Sam's eyes had welled with tears but they never fell and Alex was proud of him, to see his younger brother stand up for what he believed, for what he wanted. Then out of nowhere Sam just picked up his things and left, and that had been it. No one tried to stop him, not even Alex himself, but at least he'd tried to calm his dad and Sam down, at least he'd done something instead of nothing._

_The fight replayed like a slow colourless film in Alex's head. A shotgun of rocksalt held tightly in his hands. He thought of the moment that Sam broke down and confessed about the application to Stanford. He remembered the unforgiving look that John had shot his youngest son when Sam said he couldn't live the way they did. He cringed when he recalled his dad's last words about Sam staying gone and then that's when Alex dropped out of consciousness. _

_Darkness faded fast and the one flickering sodium bulb, hanging from a single chain in the middle of the barn illuminated the room. Shadowed lofts surrounded the upper level while down where Alex found himself, hands bound behind his back, the area was completely in view. No where to run, no where to hide was the basic idea. A few corners where hidden in grey but they wouldn't hide his awkward form. He was tall, just as his baby brother would one day be, probably surpassing him in height as he knew he would in knowledge._

"_Your anguish drenches you in mixed emotions."_

_Alex rolled about on the rough flooring of the barn. Another rough struggle and he was sitting upright, facing the decayed soul of Elmer Fudd. The ropes cut sharply into the unprotected skin of Alex's wrists while he did his best to ease out of their hold. It wasn't getting him anywhere, but he knew better than to give in so easily. He wasn't a quitter; he was a Winchester after all._

"_What the hell are you going on about?" If he could stall the spirit long enough maybe he could locate the shotgun, or perhaps even his dad would realize he'd been gone too long and kick down the barn door and save the day._

"_I think you know what I'm taking about. I can taste it in the air. Your pain, it leaks from every pore on your body. You hide it well, but it was that which allowed me the advantage. Sam? Is that the person you fear for? Is he your lover?"_

_Alex drew in a sharp breath. How would the ghost of some farmer know all of this?_

"_Look here Sally Jessie Raphael; I don't need this fuckin' Girl Guide moment, okay? So how bout you drag your corporeal ass on over here, untie these ropes and fight me like a real fuckin spirit would."_

"_You think fighting me will rid you of the pain?"_

"_Nawe, I know it won't, but it'll make me feel a hell of a lot better."_

_A grisly smile washed over farmer's grey leather skinned face. Alex blinked and the man now stood just in front of him. The hunter steadied himself on the floor, trying his best to bring himself to his feet but it was proving a bit more difficult than he'd of liked. The farmer caught on quickly to what the boy was trying to accomplish and the smile grew deep with malicious intent._

"_I know how to make you feel better child. Now just relax."_

_The rough voice of death purred through the still barn. Alex wondered briefly to what the man meant when a brush of cool air passed overhead. A pitchfork rested in callused hands. The farmer frowned and took another step forward._

"_How about a cookie instead?" Alex joked but no one answered him. He fell quiet once again wondering where the hell his family was and why they hadn't come looking in the barn yet. Didn't they notice he'd been gone far too long?_

_A top of a metal toed boot shot through the air and connected with the base of Alex's jaw. The young man fell back sprawled in pain on the floor. Blood activated the taste buds on his tongue with a metal bitter taste. He wasn't able to piece together the sudden shock because within a moment the farmer was hovering above his prone body. Pitchfork raised above his chest; Alex didn't even process the rusted metal object until it was hurtling in downward motion toward his body. With a quick jerk to the right, the hunter's reflex skills kicked in almost automatically. The pitchfork made a swishing sound as it tore violently through the air and into the wooden flooring where Alex had been only a moment earlier. A growl echoed through the barn and the pitchfork pulled itself from the floor and shot towards Alex once more. It stood over Alex and dropped down with lightning speed at his unprotected flesh. Alex rolled, but not fast enough. The last metal prong of the weapon cut through the edge of his thigh forcing him to roll over onto his back. _

"_Fuck!"_

_The word cried out through the humid air. Alex's teeth chattered from the shock of pain. Blood didn't hesitate to pool over the metal object or his favourite pair of jeans. A low sadistic snicker caught his attention and Alex soon was met with the wild eyes of a dead man. The farmer bent down to the injured boy's level and let the hidden smile come alive on his face._

"_Feel better?"_

_Alex spat a gruesome pile of bile from the back of his throat at the aged man. It rolled off his chin in thick dark yellow rivers. _

"_Now…I…do"_

_Alex struggled to breathe evenly. He'd just managed to calm himself down enough to think of his next move when the pitchfork was jerked roughly from his body. The metal scrapped sharply inside him before it was pulled out completely. Now the pain returned, full force this time leaving not a single moment for Alex to catch his breath._

"_I must say, now I feel a bit better as well."_

_The former of the dead farmer disappeared from view. Alex struggled against the ropes but once again nothing happened. Clenching his teeth against the pain, he rolled onto his left side and quickly lifted himself off the floor. Once on his feet, he tested his sore leg and found that the pain only increased with the slight movement which was only to be expected. The fact was it didn't matter if it hurt like a bitch at the moment, if he didn't get out of the barn he'd end up like one of those dead children in the town's obituary page._

_Alex limped and whimpered and was covered in sweat by the time he'd walked ten feet. He was getting a hold on the pain and had started to pick up the pace into a light jog when the floor whined somewhere behind him. Alex hadn't seen any movement out of his peripherals but spirits were sneaking sons of bitches. Facing the back, Alex had only half a second to process the arm hurtling towards him. It stood about a foot from his neck when something slid over his head and inches above his collarbone. It was rope! The farmer grunted and pulled against the noose around Alex's neck. Breath vanished as did the floor beneath his feet. _

"_We're gonna have some fun now boy."_

_Alex felt like a dog on a leash as the farmer dragged his body by the other end of the rope across the barn. A single wooden rafter was making itself know as the two of them came to stop beneath it. Alex struggled against the ropes, chocking and wheezing when it bit into his neck. He wanted to gag. The cruel man smirked and forced Alex to his feet. The loose end of the rope was flung over the rafter until it dropped a few inches on the other side. The farmer took hold of the rope and with one rough pull, began to ease Alex off the ground. _

_The hunter kicked wildly at the air no longer caring how much the pain in his thigh was. He struggled to bring his hands in front of him, struggled to breathe. God, where was the oxygen? Alex could only see dark spots as the rope wrapped tighter and tighter around his neck. He figured another five seconds and he'd be dead and then before he knew it the ground was rushing up to meet him._

_Floor slammed painfully into the boy's side and face but it was better than being hung. Air was slowly entering his lungs but Alex had to struggle against the pain and the noose to get in any at all._

"_Come to join the fun?"_

_A gun cocked some feet away. "I'm not in the mood." A shot rang out. Alex trembled in spite of the loud sound._

"_Alex!"_

_Alex knew that voice. _

"_Dean?" the sound barely came out through the rope and swollen throat._

_Dean was next to him, leaning the younger Winchester against his chest and pulling the rope from around his brother's neck. It fell away and left behind dark purpled bruises that circled painfully around his tanned flesh. Dean grimaced and worked on the bonds that had kept Alex's hands behind his back. When he was finished, Dean let him ease back into him, trying his best to filter out the harsh ragged breathing._

"_Al? Al are you okay?"_

"_I will be. Where's dad?"_

"_He found the bones in the root cellar. I knew you would have shown up by then but when you didn't I figured you'd gotten yourself in over your head, as usual."_

"_So he's burning them? The bones?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Good, I was getting sick of playing hangman with Miss Mary Sunshine in here."_

_Alex brought the flask once again to his lips as the memory faded away into the depths of his mind, just as all those forgotten moments in time had. Now there he was, twenty- one years old, sitting on the state highway drinking whiskey, wanting nothing more than to disappear completely. He never got this way. Alex was a happy go lucky guy, smile on his face and a always a witty comeback in his back pocket, but ever since Sam had left he found himself awake at night, rethinking his life. It had barely started and yet he felt helpless about it. That the future ahead would only be a slight variation of what he did already. He never expected anything more out of life than hunting with his family, but the reality was there was so much more. He regretted never finishing his entire grade twelve year only because maybe he could have gone on to better things. Maybe then he could have that semi normal life that Sam always fantasized about. But years ago Alex and Dean had come to the conclusion that they weren't meant for that life. It wasn't in their cards, they weren't lucky enough to have that destiny. That harsh fact didn't taste good when swallowed. That's why Alex took another drink of Whiskey._

_An hour passed, Alex drank the Whiskey and hummed a familiar tune while cars rolled on by. Dean showed up when the flask was nearly empty. He took a seat next to Alex and took the container from his brother's grip._

"_Wanna talk about it?"_

"_Not really."_

_Dean sighed. "You keep all this anger bottled up and you're bound to crack one day."_

"_Well that day seems light-years away from now. So, lets not and say we did."_

_Silence. Alex wrapped his arms about his waist to try and keep out the cold._

"_Sammy chose his path and decided our fate" Dean said cryptically from his side._

_Suddenly this familiar conversation had turned into something deadly. Alex looked to his right and caught Dean staring off into space._

"_What is that supposed to mean?" Alex nearly snapped. Dean smirked evilly and faced his brother. Yellow eyes reflected through the night and stealing the hunter's breath. He remembered those eyes anywhere. They weren't Deans that was for damn sure. _

"_Your daddy won't be there for you Alex. Not when you need him the most. Just like Sam you'll be tossed to the curb the day you betray your family."_

_Alex struggled to remain calm. "Where's Dean?"_

"_I'm Dean."_

"_No! No, you're not him."_

"_Al…"_

"_Don't call me that!"_

_Dean's hand shot out and wrapped thick, callused fingers about his neck. There wasn't any pressure being applied at the moment, but the grip was fierce and to know it was Dean on the other end of it, hurt more than anything._

"_You listen to me Winchester and you listen good. Your time is running out. Your dad, he doesn't care about you or your brothers. Your brothers, they don't care about you. Your better off letting them finish this last hunt alone. You'll just get in the way."_

_Dean let go of Alex and the younger boy backed away in fear._

"_I'm not leaving anybody. Your mind warping bullshit isn't going to work on me."_

"_Oh, is that what you think it is? I've watched you Alex. I've watched your family and I've noticed that when push comes to shove, it's them who always come through, who pull together at the last second, while you watch from the sidelines making your little quips. Even Dean knows when to shut his mouth, but you; you're just always on aren't you?"_

"_Fuck you."_

"_Truth hurts, doesn't it? How about the blood of your family on your hands? Hmmm, how do you think that will feel? How would you like to be the reason your family fails to finish what they've been hell bent on doing all these years and you're the one who brings it all down?"_

"_It's not going to be like that." Alex grounded out._

"_Sure it's not. You've seen the way your dad looks at you now that Sammy isn't there you're the one to take all that slack. He has as much respect for you as he does for a titmouse. Face it Alex. You're not destined to be a great Winchester. Dean, he's a fighter, a hero, people worship men like him. Sam, even as that rebellious youth, your father will always admire that. But you. All you have going for you is a barrel full of sarcasm and a list of bad memories. Like this one. When you were too weak to handle the issue at home and instead wandered off in the middle of the night to drink on the highway. Dean never showed up until early the next morning and even then you were past out from all the whiskey. Remember now Alex?"_

"_Yeah, I remember but none of that means anything. I'll never leave my family behind, not now or ever, no matter what the circumstance."_

_A bitter laugh escaped from the thing sporting Dean's flesh. "That's not the point. It's not where your priorities lie Alex; I don't doubt that you'd give an arm or a leg to save one of the Winchester men. What it all boils down to is that if you stay you're putting the lives of your family in jeopardy. Don't make more of a mess than you already have, boy. Either chose to walk away or you'll find your family leaving you in pine boxes. It's your choice." _

Alex jostled awake in the back of the Impala. Boston pooled out from the cars old speakers and Dean was humming along with the song. Sam was still very much awake, typing on his laptop, the clicking of keys mingling with steady drum beat and guitar riffs. Alex struggled and found that the pain he'd been in earlier had lessened but still remained dormant in his chest and limbs.

"Dean." Alex knew it would be impossible not to notice the shakiness of his voice. It sound frail and broken and Alex felt that at any moment he would break like some delicate china doll.

"What's up Al? You been quiet back there for a while."

Dean looked up to the rearview mirror and as Alex raised his bloodshot eyes and pale, sweaty face to meet his gaze he knew something was wrong. Quiet was never good when it came to Alex. The younger man looked sick, not just a cough and cold sick, but deathly ill.

"Hold on Al, I'll pull over just up here." Dean's foot pressed further onto the gas. "Sammy. Sam, would you quite typin' and check on our brother."

Sam closed the laptop and placed it next to his feet. "What, did Alex have a bad dream?" The comment was meant to loosen up whatever object Dean had up his tight ass but when no one laughed Sam looked into the back seat.

Alex's head barely stayed up, as if the weight was too much for the younger man to handle. No wonder Dean was so worried.

"Sammy…"Alex whispered and smiled through the wave of nausea coursing through his stomach. "I'm gonna be sick."

"Not in my car your not. Hold it!"

"Dean!"

"Sammy be quiet!"

The car veered onto the side of the road, spraying gravel carelessly in the direction of passing cars. Alex felt the vehicle pull to a stop and had his hand on the door before either of his brothers had taken off their seatbelts.

Alex hit the ground and dry heaved a couple of times before releasing the contents of his stomach all other the state line. Sam was behind him, holding him tightly by the shoulders incase his brothers strength failed him and he sunk into the pile of undigested food. Dean was in front of his younger brothers, arms crossed and pacing back and fourth, looking from the mess his brother had just made to his shaking hands and bloodshot eyes.

"What's wrong Alex?"

Alex hadn't realized how violently his hands had been trembling. He quickly wiped away the remaining vomit from his mouth and chin and pocketed his hands into his coat.

"Nothing. I'm fine now. Just a bit of car sickness."

"Al, your shaking" Sam whispered behind him. Alex shook his head and stumbled to his feet.

"I said I'm fine you guys. Now can we go? This isn't the freshest air."

"Alex if there was something going on, you'd tell us about it right?" Sam questioned in that concerned, younger brother voice he often used to manipulate witnesses. Alex nodded.

"Of course I would Sam. No secrets, remember? All we have is each other and I wouldn't keep anything from my brothers. Now, can we please get back into the car? It's cold as hell out here."

"No its not" Dean replied. Alex looked to his brother.

"Well I'm cold."

Alex climbed back into the impala and shut his door with a resounding thud. He waited a moment for his brothers to collect their thoughts and climb in after him. The sickness was gone, but now Alex felt even worse with the fresh lie still burning his lips. How could he not have told them? He knew why. The dream hadn't been just a memory, that entire conversation with Dean had never happened and it scared him because if that had never happened then why had he dreamt it? Why had he been painfully pulled from the land of the waking to find himself in some nightmare where a demon wearing Dean's skin was telling him that his brothers would be better off without him.

"_Either chose to walk away or you'll find your family leaving you in pine boxes. It's your choice." _

Alex shuddered against the voice that once again cutting through his thoughts. That couldn't be right. Without him his brothers would be more vulnerable. They'd need all the help they could get to take down the demon that had killed their mother.

Alex curled back into the seat and stared aimlessly out the window, knowing that it was probably just some dream. Just another checkmark on how screwed up the life of a Winchester really was. He wouldn't bother either of his brothers with the nightmare because as far as he was concerned it was nothing and he wanted to keep it that way. Recounting it out loud would make it seem almost real and that was the last thing he wanted. He'd be a good Winchester and bottle up the memory and nightmare and store it at the back of his mind and hopefully forgetting about it would make everything better.


End file.
